Bun In the Oven Update

So for those of you waiting on pins and needles (maybe there's one possible person out there) my appointment that I was waiting for didn't go so well.  My cervix shortened a significant amount and I was put on bed rest.  No surgery because after about a week of bed rest I remained stable so they didn't see the need.  Surgery is always their last option which in a way I'm glad they look at it that way but on the other hand it's kind of like I wouldn't worry about it as much if they just went ahead and did it.  But oh well.  We'll just deal with what we're handed.

A couple of weeks ago I took a visit to Labor and Deliver for some contractions that I was having but luckily they stopped and my cervix was found to still be closed.  I was very relieved.  As of today I've been on bed rest for a month.  Fortunately, it's modified bed rest so I can still get up and do some things but I definitely have to stay down most of the time.  My family, especially my mom, has been fabulous to help me out.  My mom comes a couple days a week to help me with the kids and with my messy, neglected house.  I had a really difficult time transitioning and I had a constant feeling of guilt.  I felt guilty that I couldn't be the mom and wife that I wanted to be.  It was so frustrating to see things that needed to be done and having to ignore them.  I felt like I was failing in my roles.  Thankfully, these feelings have subsided a bit and I'm more accepting of my situation.  Although I still have my moments.  I just want to have the peace of mind that I'm doing everything I can to make sure Isabella arrives here safe and healthy.

I had another cervix ultrasound on Monday where it was discovered that my cervix is open and I may be dilated 1 cm.  A 20 minute appointment just turned into 2 hours of visiting another doctor and Labor and Delivery again.  Melia was with me but she was such a good trooper and only made small complaints here and there.  I had to go see my regular doctor to confirm what the maternal fetal specialist doctor suspected.  Yep, dilated 1 cm.  Then he sent me to labor and deliver for a steroid shot to help develop the baby's lungs just in case she decided to appear in the next couple of weeks.  Scary!  He also said that I could stay this way for 3 more months and not deliver (which I'm very much hoping for).  I could have been this way with my last pregnancy and not known it because I've never been monitored this close before for any of my pregnancies.  So I'm trying to think all sorts of positive thoughts and having stern talks to Isabella that she is stay in.

Basically things are kind of up in the air right now and I'm just taking it day by day trying not to worry about it too much.  But that is definitely easier said than done.  One thing that has helped me a lot through all of this is a beautiful father's blessing my dad gave me.  I'm so grateful for a father who can do this special thing for me.  It has comforted me a lot and when I start worrying more than I should and I think of the words he said.  It is just more of a testament to me that my Father in Heaven is aware of me and is with me and my family.