Bun In the Oven Update

So for those of you waiting on pins and needles (maybe there's one possible person out there) my appointment that I was waiting for didn't go so well.  My cervix shortened a significant amount and I was put on bed rest.  No surgery because after about a week of bed rest I remained stable so they didn't see the need.  Surgery is always their last option which in a way I'm glad they look at it that way but on the other hand it's kind of like I wouldn't worry about it as much if they just went ahead and did it.  But oh well.  We'll just deal with what we're handed.

A couple of weeks ago I took a visit to Labor and Deliver for some contractions that I was having but luckily they stopped and my cervix was found to still be closed.  I was very relieved.  As of today I've been on bed rest for a month.  Fortunately, it's modified bed rest so I can still get up and do some things but I definitely have to stay down most of the time.  My family, especially my mom, has been fabulous to help me out.  My mom comes a couple days a week to help me with the kids and with my messy, neglected house.  I had a really difficult time transitioning and I had a constant feeling of guilt.  I felt guilty that I couldn't be the mom and wife that I wanted to be.  It was so frustrating to see things that needed to be done and having to ignore them.  I felt like I was failing in my roles.  Thankfully, these feelings have subsided a bit and I'm more accepting of my situation.  Although I still have my moments.  I just want to have the peace of mind that I'm doing everything I can to make sure Isabella arrives here safe and healthy.

I had another cervix ultrasound on Monday where it was discovered that my cervix is open and I may be dilated 1 cm.  A 20 minute appointment just turned into 2 hours of visiting another doctor and Labor and Delivery again.  Melia was with me but she was such a good trooper and only made small complaints here and there.  I had to go see my regular doctor to confirm what the maternal fetal specialist doctor suspected.  Yep, dilated 1 cm.  Then he sent me to labor and deliver for a steroid shot to help develop the baby's lungs just in case she decided to appear in the next couple of weeks.  Scary!  He also said that I could stay this way for 3 more months and not deliver (which I'm very much hoping for).  I could have been this way with my last pregnancy and not known it because I've never been monitored this close before for any of my pregnancies.  So I'm trying to think all sorts of positive thoughts and having stern talks to Isabella that she is stay in.

Basically things are kind of up in the air right now and I'm just taking it day by day trying not to worry about it too much.  But that is definitely easier said than done.  One thing that has helped me a lot through all of this is a beautiful father's blessing my dad gave me.  I'm so grateful for a father who can do this special thing for me.  It has comforted me a lot and when I start worrying more than I should and I think of the words he said.  It is just more of a testament to me that my Father in Heaven is aware of me and is with me and my family.

Finally!

Jayla has already lost two teeth on the bottom but it takes them forever to fall out.  Her permanent teeth start growing behind the baby tooth before it actually falls out.  One of her top teeth has been loose since Novemeber and it finally came out a couple weeks ago.  She was so ecstatic!  The one right next to it is set to fall out next so I wonder how the poor girl is going to eat anything but doesn't she just look adorable!

Melia is 3!

My little Strawberry is three now!  Her birthday was on February 6th.  Oh, how I just love this girl!  She brings so many smiles to my day that I could never count them all. 

 

 Opening presents

 

 She loves Rapunzel and on my side of the family they're always saying to her in a sing-song voice, "Meliaaa, let down your haaair!"  This dress up doll was (and still is) a hit!

 One day Daniel brought home a Tres Leches cake from a Mexican bakery and Melia loved it!  Normally she's not a cake girl but she loves this!  So of course we had to get one for her birthday.  Months ago she said she wanted a heart cake so I had to improvise a little by adding hearts.

 

 



Enjoying her present.

 

Melia is just our fun, beautiful, smart, witty, and lovely girl!  She has a spunk for sure but I wouldn't trade it.  That spunk helped her get through her first couple months of her life that were difficult when she had health problems.  Of course I'll never forgot the moment she was born and I always reflect on these memories each birthday.  She came out beat up but still beautiful with the surprising red hair.  Oh, how I love that red hair!  Her smile is so infectious and portrays a thousand words and it's always been that way and I hope it always will be that way.  I cherish our time that we get to spend together with just the two of us when the other kids are at school.  I'm going to miss it for sure so I'm just trying to soak it all in and take advantage of it.  I sure do love you my little Strawberry!

Pregnancy Discoveries

Last Friday I had my much anticipated ultrasound appointment. This appointment is by far my most favorite doctor's appointment ever! It's where I get to see my baby and how he/she is developing and it's just amazing all the different parts of their little body you can see. I invited my mom to come along but she ended up not able to make it because we had that yucky freezing rain weather and the roads were too bad. Bummer. So it was me, Jayla, Blake, Melia, Daniel..yup the whole gang! The kids were so excited to see the baby so I knew I had to include them.

At the appointment three discoveries were made.

#1-The baby is healthy and everything seems right on track with my due date of June 15th. Yay! Baby is a squirmy little thing and was just kicking those legs! So it was hard to get a good shot in between them. Yes, I want to know what I'm having. I hate not being prepared so I HAVE to know.

#2-The little peanut finally held still long enough to tell that poor Blake is getting another SISTER! She sure had me fooled! I thought she was going to be a boy because it's been a mild pregnancy like it was with Blake. With my girls I had terrible all day sickness and had to force myself to eat. So she's already letting me know she's her own little individual. Blake had his heart set on a boy so later I took him aside and talked to him. I told him I was sorry he doesn't get a brother but that we can still love another sister. He replied, "Yeah, I'll still love her". Sure love my little man. I also talked to him about how he was special to be the only boy and that his role is so special in our family (not that the girls don't have their own as well but I was trying to make him feel important because obviously he is). Daniel is very happy to be having another daughter and it's a bonus for him that his prediction was right. I can't lie to say I wasn't a teeny, tiny bit sad about not having a boy but that emotion only lasted a second and I fully embrace my lovely daughter and am so excited to have her join our family.

#3-This discovery isn't as happy. Since my last two babies were born preterm the ultrasound tech wanted to check some additional things. What she discovered is that I have a short cervix which might explain why I've had preterm births. My cervix isn't able to support the weight of the baby so it brings on early labor. I'm measuring much shorter than normal but not enough to intervene at this point. I go back in on Monday for another ultrasound to see if anything has changed. If it has gotten worse, then there a couple of scenarios: I could be put on bed rest (NOOOO!) and/or have a stitched placed to close my cervix. This means surgery. I've never had surgery before. I'm a little freaked out. But I am thankful that the tech did check so we know what we need to do to keep this baby in full term. And it's taught me that I need to trust my instincts. After I got pregnant I was reading up on preterm delivery and how to avoid it. I came across an article about a short cervix and I had a feeling that it might apply to me. At my first OB appointment I asked my doctor about it and if it could be a possibility. He ruled it out because I had delivered one of my babies full-term and I just let the matter go. Thanks to the ultrasound tech again! Luckily, I'm already on the progesterone hormone shots which are supposed to help strengthen my cervix.

So with me being a woman and a worrier I'm now playing out every scenario in my mind and what we're going to do about each one. I'm a little nervous (okay, a lot) about my appointment and what we'll find out. Please pray for me and my family that no matter what we find out we'll get through it okay, especially if it is the dreaded bed rest.

So if you're all still with me after this long post, overall I'm a pretty happy person full of excitement to meet our Isabella. I'm sorry that there are no pictures to go along with this. My computer won't read the disc they gave me at the ultrasound. I'm going to try on a different computer later and hopefully it will read it. Also, I'm really bad at taking pictures of our life. I feel like I'd rather enjoy the moments then worry about getting the perfect pictures of them. I think I need to find a balance somewhere.

Oh, and we're having a difficult time agreeing on a middle name for Isabella. I like to keep it in the family and Daniel doesn't like any of my suggestions and I don't like any of his too much. So if you have some ideas send them our way. Thanks!

A Christmas Blessed

I've been hesitant to write this post.  Mostly I'm afraid of what other people will think but I've decided I need to do it for me.  So that I will remember one of my most unseemingly blessed Christmas.

Let me start at the beginning.

Daniel started a new business venture in October so money was very tight.  We were very blessed to be able to make all of our financial obligations but we didn't have extra for anything more...including Christmas presents.  Although I believe the holiday and presents are important I don't think it's an excuse to go into debt for, so that wasn't an option for us.

Christmas was fastly approaching and the closer it got the more dread I felt because I didn't know what we were going to do.  Every day I prayed that I would find a way to get them something so they wouldn't have nothing.  We draw names to give presents to in our family and our extended family and I wanted that to come first.  I personally have experienced a lot of joy through giving and I want my children to experience that.  To have that happiness of making another person happy through their gesutre of giving is irreplacable.  I managed to set enough money aside to get everyone's family gifts but that was it.  What was I going to do about Christmas morning?  As Christmas was very near my prayers changed to help that my children would be understanding and I would find a way to explain to them why Santa only brought them a small trinket that wasn't on their list.  It broke my heart to think of my children's disappointment and confusion.

Then a miracle happened, angels came.  Real sent-from-heaven angels.  They took my children shopping and purchased the presents that they were going to give to their family members.  That meant I could use the money I had set aside and get them one thing each that was on their Christmas list.  I was overjoyed and filled with gratitude.  But in the back of my mind I was still afraid of what my children would think of recieving only one gift.  Again, my prayers continued.

A few days before Christmas we went on a fun outing to City Creek and Temple Square with some family.  Even though it was very crowded (and I get very irritated in large crowds) it was still a great time.  When I got home there were three wrapped packages that I found in the back of my van.  They each had a tag with the my child's name on it that said "From: Santa".  Angels had visited us again. 

My fears and disappointment of only having one gift for them disappeared.  I was able to breath.  The word to best describe my feeling at the time is: humble.  I felt so humbled that my Father in Heaven would answer my prayers.  I realized there were many more pressing and significant problems in the world but Heavenly Father didn't forget me.  He answered my prayers through righteous people who were listening to Him and He used them to bless me.

On Christmas morning my children went to the tree in excitement and not one word was said about the small pile of presents.  They were so appreciative of the things they had gotten and never said a disppointing word about what they didn't get.  We spent a quiet Christmas at home with just us, the children, my husband, and me.  It was simple and it was wonderful.

Even though this Christmas was the smallest material-wise that I've ever had it was by far the most blessed.  I was blessed with a renewed testimony that I am a child of God and He loves me, hears me and answers my prayers.  I was blessed to know that the greatest gift is our Savior.  I was blessed with knowing again that I have amazing children who know about gratitude.  I was blessed with my ever-loving family.  I was blessed.